A year ago today I was at school, participating in the staff training. Daniel and I had walked to school that morning, and I was feeling great, although worried about what to do. The doctor had just told me that he wanted to plan a cesarean because Jeremiah was breech, feet down. He wanted to schedule one for the following Monday. I was concerned because Monday was still shy of the birth date. I didn't want to take Jeremiah out before he was ready to come out. I was uncertain what would be in Jeremiah's best interest; what would be most natural for him. However, the doctor tried to guilt me into making it seem like I was being selfish (he didn't say it, but he alluded to doing what was best for Jeremiah, not me). We had prayed that God would do what He wanted, knowing that if Jeremiah did not turn, we would need a c-section. Well, God answered the prayer. My water broke that night, and we rushed to the hospital for an emergency cesarean. I was at peace knowing that I didn't have to decide when Jeremiah would come, the decision was made for me. About an hour after arriving in the hospital, I had my sweet baby boy, and my life was about to change.
Before Jeremiah was born, I had a lot of head knowledge. I knew life would change. I knew I would have sleepless nights, etc. But I had no idea what any of that would be like. And I had no idea I could love a tiny baby, whom I had only known a few hours, so very much! And I continued to learn what I didn't know...
Jeremiah, I didn't know how how quickly I couldn't remember life without you.
I didn't know how much more tender my heart would grow, how much it would ache when I hear about mothers and babies that have difficulties and struggles.
I didn't know how stressed I would feel when I heard your little cry and didn't know what you needed.
I didn't know how much the sleepless nights would affect me.
I didn't know how amazing it would be just to watch you sleep.
I didn't know how long it would take me to recover from the c-section!
I didn't know how much better I'd be able to understand God's love for me, and my parent's love for me.
I didn't know how much joy you would bring.
I didn't know how fun every little development would be.
I didn't know how quickly you would grow up!
And now, here you are, no longer an infant. This has certainly been the fastest year of my life! And I'm glad I didn't know all of that at the beginning, because learning it is part of the journey.
Happy Birthday my little boy. Your daddy and I love you!